When I Can't Sleep, I Think About...

I've been up all night. My eyes - they burn as though I've been pacing through a sandstorm. My head is pounding like a jackhammer on steroids. Racing thoughts have consumed the last several hours, and I just WANT TO SLEEP ... for the love of god! It's 4:30 AM. FOUR THIRTY. I've Googled every possible topic that's crossed the threshold of my hyperactive mind.

So, I shall ramble on my insights:

I would like to obtain a piano. I recently discovered that I have an innate ability to play although I've never been formally trained - let alone played a single note (until just the other day). In that case, if you have a piano that's not needed (or that you simply don't want), I'd be more than happy to take it off your hands. I suppose I could scour through Craigslist and snag a deal. Or, maybe a garage sale...

Is our country so preoccupied with sports that it's necessary to testify and present a case to the Supreme Court? In my opinion, you're an idiot if you use steroids; anyhow, we've got more important issues to deal with as a society. Like world peace, or somethin' like that.

And by god... are those "required weekly tests" that ever so annoyingly violate my television, radio or any other source of media truly necessary? I do believe my ears will bleed profusely at any moment. Also, thank you for disallowing me to catch what's going on with the traffic at 5 am. I might end up goose-necking on 315 because some poor soul is repairing a flat tire. I could have taken Olentangy River Road, damnit. Annnnnnd there we go again - round four. I get the point, 10tv.

I'm incredibly irked that I got a ticket for $168. Wasn't totaling my car punishment enough? If it weren't for the warrant they'd put out for my arrest, chances are I'd conveniently "forget" to pay up. Bah. When it rains, it pours. I know, cliche, cliche. But, it's the truth, and you know it.

And, for the grand finale... What's better than a Snuggie? A SNAZZY NAPPER! How original. Thanks, QVC. Just when I thought life couldn't be any more grand, you remind me that it's entirely possible to become overly excited when attempting to outdo the Snuggie. I guess that's what I get for flipping through late night TV. High quality stuff. And how ironic: it's so important that they've devoted an entire segment on the morning news... I mean, there's nothing else going on in the world, right?

So, I've managed to waste some time that I could have spent sleeping which I can't seem to do AT ALL anymore. It's funny to see thoughts spelled out - it makes me realize how ridiculous some of my innuendos and random ideas truly are.

If you're reading my blog and you've got one as well, let me know and I'll add you, or follow you or stalk you -- whatever it is they call it here.

Oh yeah, Red Bull is like crack that's good for you; however, it's probably not all that good for you, but it's better than crack!


'Nuf said.